You know that look. The moment you pick up your keys, your Frenchie stops breathing. His eyes go wide. His bottom lip quivers. He turns into a sad potato with paws.
That’s Grimly.
As soon as I step out, I swear he throws himself dramatically against the door like he’s in a telenovela. And what happens next? Oh, friends, what happens next is nothing short of a furry, four-legged soap opera.
I decided to uncover the truth.
Step One: Operation Frenchie Spy
Equipped with a Petcube Camera with Treat Dispenser (a must-have, by the way, because you can literally fling treats at your dog while you're at the grocery store—what a time to be alive), I decided to spy on Grimly. Don’t judge. He judges me when I eat bacon without sharing.
Here’s what I discovered…
0 Minutes After I Leave: Full Meltdown
Grimly, in full Shakespearean fashion, throws himself on the rug like a fallen war hero. Then he stares at the door for 10 solid minutes. I’ve never seen such intense judgment.
Cue dramatic soundtrack: “My Heart Will Go On.”
I watched in awe as he gave a few sad snorts, walked in a slow circle, and—wait for it—grabbed one of my socks to lay on it like a tiny emotional support pillow.
Recommended Sock Substitute for Separation Anxiety: Try a 🛒heartbeat snuggle toy that mimics your presence. Grimly approved.
15 Minutes In: The Pout Parade
He moves to the couch. Not on the couch. Under it.
Like he’s trying to disappear from this cruel, cruel world.
Then, he suddenly sprints to the window. Barks once. Twice.
Oh look—a leaf. He barks again just to assert dominance.
In this moment, he is convinced he’s protecting the entire apartment from floating leaves. Such bravery.
Frenchie Window Watch Must-Have: A window-mounted dog perch so they can judge the world with better elevation.
30 Minutes In: Snack Attack
He finally gives up on being dramatic and heads for the food puzzle.
I left him with his favorite: the KONG Classic Toy filled with frozen peanut butter and a piece of banana. His coping mechanism? Eating his feelings.
Same, Grimly. Same.
1 Hour In: Frenchie Nap of Doom
Legs in the air. Mouth slightly open. A single snore that sounds like an old espresso machine in distress.
This is the "I’ve been abandoned but I’m coping" nap.
Want to recreate this exact nap vibe?
Grimly’s Favorite Nap Companion: An orthopedic memory foam donut bed that he sinks into like a croissant in a warm oven.
2 Hours In: Chaos Rebooted
He suddenly remembers I left.
The snorts get louder. He stomps into the hallway and starts pushing his ball toward the door like, “MAYBE THIS WILL SUMMON HER.”
Must-Have Distraction Device: An automatic ball launcher.
3 Hours In: Plotting Revenge
The camera catches him sitting next to my favorite chair.
Staring at it.
Plotting.
He slowly moves closer. Then licks it.
And then... tiny air pee. Just enough to assert dominance. Just enough so I won’t notice until tomorrow.
Frenchie-proof furniture hack: Pet-safe stain and odor remover because Grimly believes in revenge with style.
Coming Home: The Over-the-Top Welcome Committee
The second my key turns, it’s like a Broadway revival of Cats.
He runs in circles, grabs a shoe, trips on it, flops over, and acts like I’ve returned from war.
The guilt? Immaculate.
The drama? Oscar-worthy.
The love? Unmatched.❤️
Final Thoughts: It’s a Frenchie Thing
If you have a Frenchie, you know. They don’t just miss you.
They suffer, mourn, plot, nap dramatically, and accuse you with their side-eyes.
But you can help them feel less alone when you’re out. Here's a recap of Grimly-approved essentials:
Treat your Frenchie like the dramatic genius they are.
Because when you're not home… they’re starring in their own doggie soap opera.
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